Letter

I wrote a letter to Bruce McCulloch, but obviously have no way of contacting him, so I'm going to post it here, in the hopes that one day he will be googling himself out of boredom and slight vanity, and come across this post.

Dear Bruce McCulloch,

I have been a fan of Kids in the Hall, and you particularly, for some time now. I watched the show when I was a kid, and though I found you to be one of the funniest in the troupe, I also thought you to be somewhat creepy and unattractive. Lately, however, I have been re-watching Kids in the Hall episodes, and I have begun to wonder: is Bruce McCulloch hot? I can't seem to decide. I was hoping you could give me some insight on the matter. I need you to tell me if you are hot, or not. Should I be attracted to you? On the one hand, you have very chiseled features, and you're pretty built. And when you wear that heavy metal wig when your playing the angsty teenager, you look a lot like my high school boyfriend. But on the other, you have a really creepy stare, and nod your head a lot when you talk in a strange way that I can't explain, but you probably know what I mean, and you seem like you'd be really weird in bed.

If you could get back to me at your earliest convenience, it would be greatly appreciated, as this problem has been plaguing me for weeks. I just need to decide, that way if my friends ever mention you I can either say "Yeah, Bruce McCulloch, he's a total babe" or "Eww, not Bruce McCulloch, he looks like his breath would smell". Also, when I say Bruce McCulloch, I mean Bruce McCulloch circa 1989-1994.

Sincerely yours,

Claudia Puchiele

P.S. I'm not a loon, this is meant to be funny. Seriously, I think you're really cool.

P.P.S. Does your breath smell bad??